Cheater. Cheater. Peanut Butter Eater!

Like I said--- earlier today I was absolutely struggling.  Felt rough.  Bad mood.  Grumpy-Hungry-MESS!

It started with that smoothie.  That tasty, fulfilling, oh-so-not-hCG-friendly smoothie. It was as healthy as it could be- (yogurt, pineapple, peach, orange juice) and if I wasn't on this super strict protocol, I'd have given myself a pat-on-the-back for eating it (rather than a bagel or some other such high carb breakfast item)

The day continued to fall apart with exhaustion and then- a whole lot more exhaustion- and.....wimpy  snoooozing  is all I could think about.  That- and eating.  Sleep.  Eat.  Sleep.  Sleep.  I would have rather had sleep than anything!

I took an epsom salt and baking soda bath this afternoon;  and directly after that bath I was totally worthless.  I (just) barely made it to the couch where I totally fell out of awareness.  I didn't pass out- or like- go unconscience or anything- I was just 'out of it'.

In the midst of my la-la-land adventure my girls were upstairs, safe and sound, in their bedroom.  Safe and Sound?  Uh- maybe not the best choice of words.

 Our 2 year old climbed to the top bunk (monkey style with out the ladder) and I got word from our 6 year old that they couldn't get her (or her poopie diaper) down from the bed.

There was no choice.  I had to break free from my haven on the couch.  But?  I couldn't.  I had nothing to move me.  Nada.  I lay there a few more minutes.  And then I forced myself to sit up.  And then stand up.

I had to do it.  I had no choice.  I went to the fridge for an apple, and I got the peanut butter out, too.  "Mmmmmm!!!  Protein!!"  That's all I could think of.  Protein.  Protein.  Sustanance!! ( You know- since sleep wasn't an option)

I sat- on my recliner- with my sliced apples and peanut butter.  And I ate.  Ahhhh.  RELIEF!!  Thank You, GOD!  It was very soon after my yummy "pnb-cheat" that I perked up.  WE had to go to kindermusic, I had a monkey to rescue from a tree and a poopie diaper to change.  Time to move it and groove it, Mommy!!

And I did... I moved it and grooved it right along-with energy and ooomph, even!

I made it through that part of the day.  I was fine.  Phew!!

And then....I cheated again!  I had a part of a Chick-Fil-A sandwich when I grabbed my girls a bit of grub after our class.  Just a part of it.  A small part of it.  And I think I could have NOT had any of it, but I mean- I was still so painfully HUNGRY!

Here it is.  Almost 11:00.  And yep- you guessed it- I am still- SO VERY HUNGRY.  I want a banana.  Really really want a banana.  With some milk.  Protein, Potassium, and Fat.  That's what I'm hungry for right now.  Boo Hooo.  I hate being hungry.  It's depressing!

I think this hCG may not be workin for me.  I'm losing weight- sure- but HOLY MOLEY I am not feeling too swift in the process.  From everything I understand- it's not s'pose to be this hard (physically).

I still can't give up, though.  I have to stick it out.  It's what I decided to do.  I just need to figure out why the supplement isn't working right for me.... and keep the truck moving up hill.

I also realize- self sabotaging self that I am- that I may not break free from the 200 pound mark in the morning.  I don't think I'll have gained any weight- but I can't count on losing any either.   Then again- as growling as my poor belly is, I feel like I deserve to have lost SOMETHING.  


Cheaters Never Win... and Winners Never Cheat.