Really. It's been up and down for the past few days. The scale. My thoughts. My goals? What's GOING ON?!?!
(Knock. Knock. T.O.M??? Is that you? You might be a little early.... could you come back NEVER. I hate you the most. You're evil. Go away!)
I should have just kept pressing on. I should have gone the full course and pushed through the challenge I was facing when I quit the hCG. I wasn't yet recovered from my food addiction. I need another detox. I need another session of "Hello, My name is....... and I'm an addict." I need that podium to stand on and admit my addiction. I need the floor, please.
Ahem.
"Hello. My name is Amber. And I am addicted to food."
"When I eat, it's a painful awareness that I may not be able to stop myself."
"Not having a guideline and a plan takes me to an out of control place. I am overwhelmed with options. I over indulge. And then. I have guilt."
"I want to quit. I want to stake claim to my once-before-announced goal to NEVER again eat wheat. (I always feel lethargic and gross after eating it.) And staying away from sugar. (I can't control myself- it's best to stay away all together)
"Without a guideline. A lifetime guideline, that is. With out it- I am setting myself up for failure."
"Eat when your hungry. Stop when your satisied." It's the Weigh Down way. But I find fear and nervousness rising up when I attempt this. "Wait?! Am I satisfied? Am I hungry???" The truth is- I have no idea!
hCG gave me a hope- in a sense- to overcome my addiction to food. I failed myself when I gave up half way through it. I KNEW better!!!! I really did. I comprehended that THIS WAS my 'road to recovery'. It was. I was almost finished being addicted to food. And I gave it all up.
What do people do when they drop out of their Addicts Anonymous class? How do they start over again!?!
Posts
Hello From Home
4 years ago
I'm sorry you feel so badly about the weight loss thing. It's so difficult. I understand totally!!
ReplyDeleteWhen you've not been eating for hunger/fullness for so long....Weigh Down is completely overwhelming. We have a millions of conflicting messages in our society about how to lose weight, what to eat, what not to eat. Just look at the weight loss section of a bookstore...there are hundreds of books. It's overwhelming and frustrating at times.
I know the feeling of wanting to raid the frig and then the pantry....and maybe the neighbors frig :) I hope you find something doable that works for you soon...
Hang in there...
Amber,
ReplyDeleteFor me, I have now tended to oversimplify because I also can over analyze.
I'm a food addict too. Whenever I find myself on the edge, I stick to one simply question..."Am I Doing The Best that I Can"
So far, that has kept me from jumping. When I pause and think about it, indulging and going off my plan simply won't be doing the best that I can, every moment of every day.
That includes avoiding food as a reward for simply doing something well with exercise or using food for stress management. Since there are other means of rewards and managing stress, I know that I wouldn't be doing my very best if I succumb to food for those solutions.
Keep it honest, keep it simple, keep doing your best!
I am so thankful for this blog- and for the comments and empathy from my fellow blogger friends! Thank you!! THANK YOU!!!
ReplyDelete