Life is CRAZY!!!!!!

Sunday was my official last day on the VLCD.

Life got to me.  There are so many chaotic things that happen in the life of a mom- the one that has 3 kids- those kids being YOUNG- and at home- and home educated, and I've not mentioned the trials and tribulations of marriage.

So.  Life got me.  I had to 'prioritize' and refocus.   What is going to make my 'life' work?  Being exhausted and incapable of full-functionability?  Nah!!!  That certainly hasn't been working for me.  I mean?  I lost 17 pounds.... it worked the scale down... but that's not all that matters, is it?

I  had full intentions of carrying out the 40 day journey.  But it was like- I woke up this morning, and I had nothing left.  Nothing.

It has been the roughest journey- but I must admit; I have enjoyed the self-controlled process on the path I've been on.  I look forward to getting into a work out routine.  I look forward to PROTEIN in mass quantities.  That's gonna feel great!  I look forward to continuing to use self-control (tomorrow) and making wise choices for what I put in my body.

Let me be honest, now.  I didn't carry out phase 2 today.  I just 'went' with it.  No excuses:  Sure!  I had a busy day and I had not prepared myself for phase 2- but I coulda made it work.  I just didn't!  I had soup (potato, bacon, red pepper, and gouda stuff from this little coffee place)  I secretly wished I had just eaten my apple and drank my water.  I felt 'dirty'.

And when I got home after a gruelingly long day of errands- my husband had ordered pizza.  2 pieces of Chicken, Pineapple, and Bacon, I ate.  And I was wishing I had just sucked it up and had 4 oz of cottage cheese instead.

And for dinner- I did FULLY intend on just NOT eating anything- maybe an apple if I needed to?  But I had a ham and cheese on 9 grain organic wheat bread instead.  *bangs head* Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!!!

Tomorrow is a new day.  I feel like crap right now.  Pizza?  Ugh!  Barf.  What was I thinking?!?!
 I still need to focus on the fact that wheat/gluten is my enemy and I need to keep it far away from me!

I'm not totally giving up on hCG.  I really am NOT.  There is a lot of satisfaction in being required to abstain from the "regular-world-life-of-FOOD" {consumption}.  Maybe I'll call this my "interruption?" I just have to get back on the wagon when I can focus more clearly on it.

 I intend on being a hard-core calorie counter (tomorrow). I also intend on being rid of wheat/gluten, starches, and sugars for the remainder of my 'interruption'.

As a side note- at the mention of sugar- can I just announce that it is amazing that I've not craved the FIRST cookie.  Or brownie!  Or ice cream?  Or choco... oh wait! I did feel my mouth water a little bit at the thought of chocolate.....  but I shan't give in.

Tomorrow is a new day.  (have I said that? ......)  I'll begin again, minus hCG, but PLUS a new outlook on food and my attachment (or lack-there-of) to it.  Calories will be counted.  Food WILL be totally healthy.  I WILL be logging (on here- God help me) what I eat.  I will maintain a feeling of accountability.

...........sigh........... WHY! Oh WHY! Did I eat that pizza?!?!?!  I feel it molding itself to my belly.