Life is CRAZY!!!!!!

Sunday was my official last day on the VLCD.

Life got to me.  There are so many chaotic things that happen in the life of a mom- the one that has 3 kids- those kids being YOUNG- and at home- and home educated, and I've not mentioned the trials and tribulations of marriage.

So.  Life got me.  I had to 'prioritize' and refocus.   What is going to make my 'life' work?  Being exhausted and incapable of full-functionability?  Nah!!!  That certainly hasn't been working for me.  I mean?  I lost 17 pounds.... it worked the scale down... but that's not all that matters, is it?

I  had full intentions of carrying out the 40 day journey.  But it was like- I woke up this morning, and I had nothing left.  Nothing.

It has been the roughest journey- but I must admit; I have enjoyed the self-controlled process on the path I've been on.  I look forward to getting into a work out routine.  I look forward to PROTEIN in mass quantities.  That's gonna feel great!  I look forward to continuing to use self-control (tomorrow) and making wise choices for what I put in my body.

Let me be honest, now.  I didn't carry out phase 2 today.  I just 'went' with it.  No excuses:  Sure!  I had a busy day and I had not prepared myself for phase 2- but I coulda made it work.  I just didn't!  I had soup (potato, bacon, red pepper, and gouda stuff from this little coffee place)  I secretly wished I had just eaten my apple and drank my water.  I felt 'dirty'.

And when I got home after a gruelingly long day of errands- my husband had ordered pizza.  2 pieces of Chicken, Pineapple, and Bacon, I ate.  And I was wishing I had just sucked it up and had 4 oz of cottage cheese instead.

And for dinner- I did FULLY intend on just NOT eating anything- maybe an apple if I needed to?  But I had a ham and cheese on 9 grain organic wheat bread instead.  *bangs head* Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!!!

Tomorrow is a new day.  I feel like crap right now.  Pizza?  Ugh!  Barf.  What was I thinking?!?!
 I still need to focus on the fact that wheat/gluten is my enemy and I need to keep it far away from me!

I'm not totally giving up on hCG.  I really am NOT.  There is a lot of satisfaction in being required to abstain from the "regular-world-life-of-FOOD" {consumption}.  Maybe I'll call this my "interruption?" I just have to get back on the wagon when I can focus more clearly on it.

 I intend on being a hard-core calorie counter (tomorrow). I also intend on being rid of wheat/gluten, starches, and sugars for the remainder of my 'interruption'.

As a side note- at the mention of sugar- can I just announce that it is amazing that I've not craved the FIRST cookie.  Or brownie!  Or ice cream?  Or choco... oh wait! I did feel my mouth water a little bit at the thought of chocolate.....  but I shan't give in.

Tomorrow is a new day.  (have I said that? ......)  I'll begin again, minus hCG, but PLUS a new outlook on food and my attachment (or lack-there-of) to it.  Calories will be counted.  Food WILL be totally healthy.  I WILL be logging (on here- God help me) what I eat.  I will maintain a feeling of accountability.

...........sigh........... WHY! Oh WHY! Did I eat that pizza?!?!?!  I feel it molding itself to my belly.

VLCD Day 20

Weighing in @ 196.6 (down 1.4)

Geesh.  I guess that "tea" really helped out.  Thank, GOD!

Total loss:  Seventeen Point Four Pounds.

It's Saturday.  No blogging for me.

(P.S. I don't hate this protocol.... as much.)

VLCD Day 19

I made it this far!!!!  Whooo Hooo!!!  Almost to the Half-Way Point.

The scale is still being a stubborn 'ass'.  It won't move.  Even when I kick it.  Stupid thing.

I drank a double dose of my special ''make you go'' tea last night, too!  So far- all I've gotten was intense 'labor pains'.  I know- this is sooo much information.  Especially for a public blog.  But?  What-EVA!

Not a whole lot to speak of this morning.  I'm certainly not as consumed in the protocol like I was 2 weeks ago. I'm just kinda hanging out.... waiting for my time to be up.  It's like jail.  My sentence is almost over!

My husband and  I will celebrate 10 years of wedded chaos bliss on March 3.  My hope is to be done with the Very Low Calorie Diet and move on to the 3 weeks of 'no sugar- no starch' phase before the weekend of the 26th.  This puts me at around the 35 day mark on VLCD (I think?)

But!  I just don't know if that's the right thing (whine whine whine).  Previous blog-postings admitted to me hoping to make it through the 40 day trial- because I believe 40 is not just a random number chosen to be on the protocol.  I believe 40 is a great representation through out the entire Bible that when faced through a trial, mostly, the heart of it is in that 40 days/years.

  I don't know if I can actually explain it well enough to make sense... but everytime I think about going off the protocol earlier than 40 full days- I feel guilt.  I won't be in trouble by anybody.  Nope.  I won't be doing anything wrong.  I just feel like I'm suppose to endure the full 40 days!!  Even if it means not being able to celebrate our anniversary on anything more than grilled chicken and lettuce.

I'm going to go back and count my calendar days- just to be sure I'm on track with how many days I've been doing this thing.  More to come later..
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VLCD Day 18

Happy Birthday to Me....  Happy Birthday tooooooooooooooooooo MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

And it HAS been pretty happy, too!

I just hung out with my girly-girls.  Watched "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs" snuggled on the couch while the girls ate their cereal like popcorn at 7:30 AM.  (It's a cute movie.  Actually, it's really hilarious! But- for someone not able to eat very much 'real' food- it can create false hunger-pangs.  It was raining hamburgers and snowing ice cream and my brain was struggling to convince my belly that I was- IN FACT- not hungry!)

No weight loss to speak of.  I keep asking myself if I am ever going to go number 2 again???  Drinking the right kind of tea (with Senna) and plenty of water should have done the trick by now.  It's been 3 days for goodness sake!  So- I guess once I 'go' I'll see a happier number on the scale.

VLCD Day 17

I found out last night that my blood pressure is getting *low*.  I've always stayed at the 120/80 mark, sometimes at the 117/78 mark... but really have maintained a super awesome blood pressure for all of my life. (Um?  Sans the end of my pregnancies- when I jumped up a few notches because I was... PREGNANT!)

I went to Kroger- to get more food- and saw the little BP machine.  Stuck my arm in it- pushed the green button, and waited for it to squeeze the blood out of my arm.  I was tired (read yesterday's post)  and didn't pay too much attention to the discomfort.  And then- I woke up.  117/63 ?????  What?!?!  How is that?  Did it again.  Still low on the diastolic.  Average for the systolic.  Hmmm.  Is that bad?

I'm turning to the Google doctor to tell me what it means:

Systolic blood pressure for most healthy adults falls between 90 and 120 millimeters of mercury (mm Hg). Normal diastolic blood pressure falls between 60 and 80 mm Hg. Current guidelines define normal blood pressure as lower than 120/80.


Ok- this means I'm normal.  Sweet!

VLCD Day 16

Time sure has flown by.  I feel like I've been on this thing forever.  Then again- I felt like I was pregnant FORever (when I was pregnant, 3 times, for 40 weeks- each time!).

I lost another 0.6.

This morning I had a lot of work to do in our house.  I had to do something productive.  Slacking off because I've been too tired is not on my list of options (anymore).  So?  I worked.  I moved stuff around- I rearranged to make the teeny-tininess of our abode more functional.  And- I wiped my self out.  I don't even wanna talk about how terrible it was- so I won't.  I'm just gonna leave it at this:

I'm gonna do it.  I'm gonna finish this thing.

VLCD Day 15

199. EVEN!

Previous 214.
Total (WHOO HOO!) 15 pounds lost.


At first, I woke up this morning and the scale said 199.8.  "Same Ol Same Ol".  But?  I noticed that my fingers were really swollen, and they were a bit achy.  "Water!"  So- I had some water.  Peed.  And weighed myself again.  Phew!  199.  Sweet!

I felt good this morning, too.  Really good.

My 3 Amigas and I decided to ditch the house for the day and we went to the YMCA (my gym- their 'play place'.)  I sat in the Chapel Room, lights turned off, and I wrote.  I listened to the awesome arrangement of music I had on my mp3 player.  And I wrote.  I sat still.  I did nothing.  I thought quietly, with out interruption.... and I wrote.  It was sweet.

And then!  I did something I was warned NOT to do.  I 'worked out'.  Just for a little while.  I was careful.  I hopped on the Elyptical, and I made myself take it (sorta) slow.  20 minutes.  That's all.

Ah!   I've missed the Y.  I've missed the time I so truly enjoyed ignoring the world around me, music in my ears, not pulled into so many different directions and needs.  My girls were in great hands; so was I!

Afterward, we headed home.  I was super duper hungry.  My apple was LONG gone.  *LIGHT BULB*  I can eat mexican food.  As long as they can tweak it for me, right?  Yup.  That's right.  We went to El Som, and I was so happy to have pushed the basket of chips in front of the kids while I patiently waited on my water (with lemon). I ordered a 1/2 order of chicken fajita nachos.  Cheese on the side.  Chips on the side.  Which left me with a plate of grilled chicken, peppers, onions, and tomatoes.  Mmmmm!!  My girls ate their quesadillas and burritos, their chips, and the cheese dip.  They LOVED it.  And so did I.  (the only bummer was the inability to measure out the precise weight of the chicken- but!- it was a half order.  I guesstimated that it was fine.

It is still hard feeding my kids breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks- and forcing myself not to munch on their food as I'm preparing it.  But- I'm getting to the point that I have less and less of a struggle.

Today was good.  Hoping for a better tomorrow!